On fear

When I started this blog, I intended to post more regularly than I actually have. I would like to say that life got in the way, and that would be true, but I think I also got in my own way. As this blog is part of my editing business, it felt like everything I put on here had to have a very high-minded purpose. Surely, if this is a business, albeit my own business, then my posts needed to be serious? Only professional advice about story structure, writing advice or posts that advertised my services would do. In other words, if the posts didn’t fit some imagined ideal, then I couldn’t write them, let alone put them up. Meanwhile, I (predictably) got caught up in the same bind with my creative writing: the bind of perfectionism.

Mind you, I am well aware that the few posts I have put up are far from perfect, but they seemed to speak to some higher minded ideal when I wrote and posted them (or perhaps more likely, they were written and posted at times when I let my guard down and decided that good trumped ideal). This made me decide they were valid and that, say, a reflection on my editing process was not (though surely that too would have helped me learn more from my experiences, help others and find authors I wanted to work with?).

After a long period of soul searching, I now understand that I fear exposure and that I suffer from imposter syndrome, as a writer, as an editor and maybe just as a person. Surely this isn’t real and one day I’ll be found out and publicly humiliated? (Unfortunately, the way I’ve seen others treated on social media does nothing to dispel these fears.)

I want to talk about this because I think it’s something that affects a lot of people, especially creatives working in the writing and editing community.

I also want to talk about this because it’s something I’ve struggled with for much of my life but have only recently started to do battle with (hence this post). Going up against this fear feels scary, wrong, rebellious. It means exposing myself—over and over again—to the possibility of criticism and judgement by others in order to simply be included in the conversation. But I no longer want my fear to keep me from creating or having a voice, so I’m going to do it anyway. Or try to.

So, from now, I plan to share more, write more, blog more. As I said at the beginning of this post, these may simply be short musings on experiences I’ve had, but this doesn’t make them any less valid. I’ve decided that’s okay. It’s the process of reflecting, writing and creating that’s important, as is the connection that builds with others.  

Thanks for reading!

Until next time (which won’t be such a very long way away),


P.S. – Don’t forget to follow me on social media! Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Kendra-Olson-Writing-and-Editing-1479392189025196/ Twitter: @KendrarOlson

Published by kendraolson

Kendra Olson is a developmental editor and proofreader. She is also the author of the historical novel The Forest King’s Daughter, which is published by Pilrig Press as an ebook.

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